Back when I was on bunches of medication for my various supposed mental illnesses, I seemed to become more well-adjusted to society; however, I wasn’t any happier. In fact, I think I was more miserable than I had been before. I refused to believe that life couldn’t get any better than being a doped-up, numbed-down robot. I had also, however, been thoroughly convinced that an inescapable “chemical imbalance” was responsible for my traumas and could not be helped any other way.
When I began studying psychology in an attempt to find my own solution, I eventually learned that “chemical imbalance” is nothing more than a hypothesis. It conveniently explains why medications “work”. The problem is, these medications more often than not don’t help- and can come with debilitating side-effects. Some of the medications I’ve been on- for example, Klonopin, a benzodiazepine used for treating anxiety- were highly addictive. I developed a stutter. I began forgetting things even as simple as my age or phone number. To top things off, my panic attacks became more and more immune to the medication that was destroying my cognitive abilities.
I’m a stubborn kind of person, the kind who’d rather solve things myself even if doing so takes me through innumerable detours. So after five years of being cycled through prescription after prescription to no avail, I began to find my own solution. Lo and behold, here I am today, free of depression, dealing successfully with my bipolar disorder, and almost completely cured of anxiety attacks. The nightmares I used to have, attributed to my PTSD, have vanished. Not only am I significantly happier than I used to be, but I have become a positive and successful person to the point where I’m doing better than “normal”.
I don’t buy into mental illness anymore, even though once upon a time I would have defended it to tears, insisting upon my own helplessness. I’ve studied religion, psychology, self-help, nutrition, health, and even so-called “new age” subjects. I hope that in following my journey at least a few will benefit from what I’ve learned. I’m not going to say there is a simple cure; no, it is more like a complete and total life makeover. It’s a change in the damaging thought patterns that are the roots of depression and anxiety. More than likely it will take at least a couple of years to recover completely; fortunately, the progress along the way is noticeable enough to keep one motivated to the end.
This is a new age of enlightenment, and it’s time we shed the misconceptions that things are as good as they can get. That is hardly true.
